So the dating thing went not so good. well we broke up so not so good in that regard.
Some of the points he made in the breakup email are valid now that I look at it, if not a little to unforgiving. So I have some things to work on.
I get what I did wrong an I know now how to fix it. (for once)
We are going to get together in a couple weeks to talk about stuff. The friendship part is to important to let it get in the way of a possible bad idea on dating.
A lot of the issues are stress related as I got pretty anxious and grumpy and he feels like he has to fix that (which is a common thing for guys and so annoying...) which isn't what I wanted/needed. Talked to my therapist about it last night and I asked to go up on my meds so we started that today, not tired so far and that's the sign that they are to high. So that should help with the issues almost right away.
I need to control my stress better too. It's so hard for me to realize i'm getting stressed until it's to late.
stressers right now:
- Sabrina and her family moving away next week - you don't realize how much someone means to you until they are going. Losing my big sister is stressing me out BIG TIME.
- KCon coming up, I'm not stressed about it but I've had everyone else stressing out and asking me the same stupid things over and over and it's almost getting to me.
- New Job - not a huge stress but it's different and I'm just trying to get in the grove of getting it down, even if I don't really Do much of anything
- new relationship - there was a lot of stress making the transition from friends to more and the added stress of the feelings of another friend. Of course as soon as I told the other friend it became more stress but in a different way but never got a real chance to deal with it since i got the goodbye email the next day.
- having regular sex and worrying about becoming pregnant even though we are careful - this always freaks me out even if there isn't anything to worry about.
- summer in general stresses me out, so many family functions and friend functions it gets a little overwhelming sometimes
- the 1 year anv of me having my breakdown is a little stressful for some reason, always worried it'll happen again I guess
- oh too much caffeine! I really need to cut that out!
So yeah... I need to get a handle on this shit and not talk about it all the time to other people. i CAN deal with my shit on my own, and do, i just didn't need to talk about it with him. well that doesn't sound right... he tells stories and he pretty much outlined every crazy event in his dating life for me so I kind of felt I should do the same but it didn't work out right, i wound up just sounding bitter instead of funny or interesting like he does. So stepping back and talking about it with a guy friend who KNOWS how I am helped a lot. I'm still kinda anxious and hurt over it but i think it'll get easier in the next two weeks, and knowing that we have set a date to talk is good. It makes things a lot less stressful and a lot more manageable. Still hard seeing him pop up on twitter but i'm not following him on my direct one just the other ones I manage which I don't really look at. I miss him, but it's only been 2 days and I should miss him, especially since we've been friends since April and talked everyday for the past month and a half all day. (before we tried the dating thing)
So I'm doing pretty good. I just need to recognize my issues better and work it out before bringing in anyone else. I can do that.